Honest Labels

Who are you? Really. Ponder that for a moment. We all, no doubt, have familiar labels based on our relationships, vocation, accomplishments, hobbies, gender and age. These labels are important to communicating an understanding of who we are, but what about the uncomfortable labels that are part of us as well? Do we live a life such that we are honestly human?

Williams Sloan Coffin once said, "You are all so interested in putting your best foot forward, when it is your other foot that is far more interesting."

If we are honest, we all have 'the other foot,' those labels that represent another part of who we are. Try on a few of these: divorced, addict, depressed, confused, failure, angry, hurtful, prejudiced... you get the idea. How willing are we to let others, particularly those closest to us know the full truth?

Do we allow our children to see us struggle with our limitations? Can they ever learn to deal with failure if they don't see us fail and recover?

"Your children need a model of honesty. If you pretend you have no weaknesses, and cover them under masks and facades, your children will learn to do the same and the game will go on. Begin today to see, and accept, the real you beneath the role." - William Martin

As a former pastor, I recall yielding to a similar fallacy. My belief was that if I allowed too much of my humanity to be known, I would not be accepted, liked, loved by the people I served. The trick was not to look perfect, but rather to look just a little bit human, a slight bit flawed - but not reveal the true depth of brokenness that I felt and believed everyday. Instead, I played the self inflicted game of privacy and loneliness.

It seems to me that when I truly listen to others, when I get the gift of connecting with other people on a deep level, we are all deeply broken and sincerely fearful of our true selves...

What say you?

The call of the Divine to us is one of acceptance and knowing, that no matter how bad we may believe we are, that no matter how misunderstood or broken we may think ourselves to be, we are nonetheless loved. Ours must be a journey of progress, not perfection, of trying and failing and trying again. Ours is a tale of human imperfection and amazing accidental moments of perfection. We are all the labels - those we cherish and those we fear revealing. To further Coffin's metaphor, we need both our best and other foot to walk forward.

Like You Have A Clue WWJD!?

It isn't as popular as it was a few years ago, but I still hear it said, “What would Jesus do?” The intention is innocent enough and the catchy phrase certainly sticks with you.

The initials make a great bumper sticker. WWJD.

It is a good question and one we can certainly ponder. Asking this question about Jesus, about anyone really, is the gate that enters into the realm of that person’s core make up. The question, “What would s/he do?” always implies other questions, “What motivates this person? What is his/her decision framework, or moral compass, made of?” In short, if we are to take a stab at knowing what someone would do in a particular situation, we need to really know them, and the better we know the, the better the odds are we could predict what they would do.

Perhaps the best way to know what, or who, someone is, is to ‘walk a mile in their moccasins,’ to live as they lived – to be them.

Here’s the problem: Can we ever really be Jesus, even for a moment?

As much as Jesus was fully human, he was also fully divine. We are not. We are imperfect, struggling, fractured human beings. We can imagine what it might be like to be fully human/divine, but can we really understand what it was like to be Jesus?

There is an even deeper problem. Jesus had a very specific life ministry. He was born, grew and accepted a dramatic calling directly from God: Love people, minister to them, make and teach disciples, and (here’s the problem) give your life for the redemption of humanity. Last time I checked, that mission, that ministry was done.

We not only can’t be Jesus, we shouldn't try to be Jesus. Asking WWJD may be the wrong question.

We need a better question.

What if we focused on being ourselves? What if each of us accepted that the goal of our spiritual life is to be the very best “me” he or she could be? What if growing spiritually wasn’t about being or behaving like someone else – but rather was about being you? Then the better questions would be, “What would Jesus have me do? What is God’s will for me? What does Jesus want ME to do?” This life, this gift of personal mission, can certainly learn from Jesus’ teachings and choices, AND I need to figure out what I need to do to fulfill that mission. My purpose and my spiritual journey are tied to my choices about my life decisions.

What if we asked, "What would Jesus want me to do?"

Religious Freedom and Same Sex Marriage?

So, now enters the fray - religious freedom - a deeply American privilege  insured by the constitution and generally accepted as the rule within the walls of the United States - as a right whose arguments should be considered in light of the current legal conversations about same gender marriages.

Here is a well position article, to consider: Sexuality More Like Religion Than Race.

I wanted to weigh in on a couple of thoughts.

1. This is a legal not a moral decision. The laws of this land are designed, by in large, to protect the space needed for individuals and groups to freely practice their own morals and ideals. Even if I disagree with your morality, the law should generally protect your right to it. Perhaps the question is, how can the right to gay marriage be legalized in such a way as to not limited the rights of people who object to it? Is that an issue, after all?

2. Religious groups will not agree on the morality of same-sex marriage. They can't. The arguments - pro and con - appeal to their own sources of authority and unique interpretations of those sources.

It is this second point that strikes my world most often. My beliefs are informed by a minimum of 4 sources of authority. With all due credit to my United Methodist background, these sources are scripture, tradition, reason and experience. I believe each of these deserves consideration when making weighty decisions about matters of faith. However, in this debate, scripture gets quoted, flung, proof-texted until the congruence of it is lost.

Scripture - I come from a protestant Christian tradition. As such, 'scripture' refers primarily to the bible known as the Old and New Testaments. Interestingly enough, even the names of these collections reveals something about my prejudice. What I call the 'old' testament is in fact what another group would call the Hebrew scriptures or a portion of it the Torah. Yet another Christian group would say my 'scripture' is incomplete - missing certain apocryphal books.  Yet, because of the prejudice of my particular faith tradition, I place importance on the bible as I understand it's contents. It is the written record of the events and beliefs that inform my faith. It is worthy of study and understanding. However, I cannot usually discuss the role and message of scripture with people - even of the same faith tradition - with any success, if we don't agree on our understanding of the role of that material in the formation of belief. I am not a biblical literal-ist (I'm not even sure what that exactly means), and if someone else is, if they read the scripture as a flawless life map of instruction - then we had best find something else to talk about, because we are going to disagree on many things.

The legal issue of same-sex marriage isn't going to be decided by religious and theological agreement, nor should it be. It is an issue of providing a safe and non-punitive space for individuals to follow their own beliefs. American society will change to allow for adult people of the same gender to enter into a marriage contract. It will happen sooner or it will happen later, but it will happen. The proverbial cat is out of the bag, now and as our society evolves, it will grow in it's acceptance of same-gender marriage. Too many people have accumulated reasons - life experience, rational arguments and traditions (newly formed, but traditions nonetheless) - and these life experiences are paving the way for the fall of previously accepted prohibitions and judgments.

Since we are to make this journey, we must find a path to allow for both religious freedom (for differing parties) and legally protected space for a variance of life style. This is a difficult space, likely to be fraught with fear, uncertainty and limitations. What can we do to be loving and caring as we move through?

Get Up. Move. Live.

Hanging on the wall in my office, there is a picture of a tree that changes color and definition to reflect the four seasons. As you walk by the angle of the print causes the tree to shift from a winter scene of bare branches and snow, through sprouting spring foliage, the full greening of summer and then the autumn leaves of fall. From my desk seat, it always looks like autumn.

I like seeing the different images of the picture. The variety, changing colors and shapes offers a nice change from what is often the static unchanging art of an office space. There are times when I will just move to a different place in my office to see and enjoy the picture differently. It isn't that I don’t like seeing the fall tree, I do. I like seeing the other images, too.

Here’s my thought: My living is often the same way. It is easy to settle into the same routine, the same patterns of moving through life and soon – everything seems to look stagnant. In the same way I have to get up and move to a different place in my office to see the variety of the tree picture, I can move to a different place in my living to see life with new colors.

From a simple move, like visiting a different coffee shop, to a more dramatic change, like ending or starting a new relationship, we can experience the very different seasons of our living. I’m not advocating change for change sake, but I am encouraging myself to remember that sometimes I need to move a little and change my perspective in order to appreciate the rich variety of life.

I sat in a meeting yesterday with a successful local entrepreneur – a very rich man. He was clearly tired, almost exhausted throughout the meeting. After we had finished our business discussions, the conversation shifted as he explained his fatigue. He had spent the previous evening volunteering at a local homeless shelter. As he begin to tell the tale of his time helping others that night his energy lifted, his spirit soared and the conversation moved me to a different place. The business of life glowed more brightly than the drab hues of the previous conversation about his business.

Get up. Move. See. Enjoy.

My God in 1975 and NOW

We've had some winter weather. Time at home has allowed me to dig out some old CDs and take a musical ride through time.

Today I've managed a few minutes to simply sit in the living room and listen to music. I would normally listen to satellite radio or an iTunes play list, but today I've dusted off some of the CDs stacked about the room and found an array of music that I haven’t heard for some time. Right now, it’s Jethro Tull’s “Aqualung.” With this music comes a specific memory. This album takes me back to 1975, Myrtle Beach, SC where I grew up.

I remember one very specific day in May, an afternoon after my birthday but before the summer break in between my junior and senior year of high school. I was still driving the hand-me-down family car, a 1966 Chevrolet Bel Air, and at that particular moment was cruising north on Highway 17 between Murrells Inlet and Myrtle Beach headed into town to join friends for pizza and some night time fun. The car stereo was blasting, powered by an 8-Track tape player as I listened for the first time to “My God.” What I remember today, is somehow in that drive I felt very free, and I knew that even though I didn't fully understand what Tull was saying – I knew two things: 1. There was more about God to learn than my parents had taught me and 2. I liked this crazy, in-your-face, music.

 I still know those two things.



"My God"
Jethro Tull

People -- what have you done --
locked Him in His golden cage.
Made Him bend to your religion --
Him resurrected from the grave.
He is the god of nothing --
if that's all that you can see.
You are the god of everything --
He's inside you and me.
So lean upon Him gently
and don't call on Him to save you
from your social graces
and the sins you used to waive.
The bloody Church of England --
in chains of history --
requests your earthly presence at
the vicarage for tea.
And the graven image you-know-who --
with His plastic crucifix --
he's got him fixed --
confuses me as to who and where and why --
as to how he gets his kicks.
Confessing to the endless sin --
the endless whining sounds.
You'll be praying till next Thursday to
all the gods that you can count.

Ransomed Heart, Personal Thoughts and The Newtown Evil

A friend of mine sent me a link to a post titled "Why Newtown is More Important Than We Think" from over at Ransomed Heart. The author, John, is reacting to the 'shocked' reaction of people to the events of the Newtown murders. You will want to read his post before you read my thoughts below.

My friend asked for my opinion of John's post, so I thought I would share it publicly here:


John’s blog is good. I've read some of his stuff before. His thoughts are well processed and he reason sound. His perspective is different than my own – if a quantitative not qualitative difference. He personifies evil more than I like. Evil, for me, is more about the malformation of possibility, the twisted and sometimes fateful course of human choice gone bad. God has created a reality, placed humans into it (and a lot of other life) and set-up a structure of guiding forces that react to the movement of life through that reality. On a simple level – we are creatures who make choices and live with the consequences – often unknown – of those choices. Life, reality is affected by the singular and cumulative effect of human choice. We create specific cultures by how we chose to live. We create environmental impact/change by the consequences of our patterns of relating to the natural (and orderly) world. We develop as individuals as a result of the choices we make: how we choose to act or react to life on life’s terms. It is neither my experience of life or my religious belief that there is a godly-evil at work corrupting and mal-forming this human project. Rather, the evil influence is the cumulative result of our individual and collective choices to do less-than-godly things. We are our own worst enemies- in the words of Pogo, “We have met the enemy and He is us.”

To build on John's image - we are the wind.

That said, while my world view (other-worldly view?) may differ from John's, I agree that the cumulative result of the malformation of humanity in our world is an urgent matter. I believe the solution is to be found among people of faith and religious traditions that are loving enough to embrace good and strong enough to stand for love in the face of these malformations. We need only look at civilized history for mentors: Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, ML King, Jr, Bill Wilson,  etc. We will find there ways to fight - Prayer, acts of kindness, civil disobedience, debate, personal sacrifice for the good of those who can’t…

One final thought. I am glad people were shocked by the events in Newtown. Part of our hope is centered in the belief that the normal course of our lives and world is ruled by lawful, perhaps even loving actions. We expect good, and hope for some sacred places that our collective humanity respects. We don’t expect someone to kick a puppy, curse at their elders, or shoot children. If we are ever not shocked by these occurrences, we have even more to fear from ourselves.

So, now I would be interested in your thoughts.

While Pondering @DeepakChopra and Spiritual Connections

"Every cell in your body is eavesdropping on your thoughts."
~ Deepak Chopra

Sometimes you never know what you are getting into on Facebook. A friend of mine recently posted the above quote from Deepak Chopra. I made a simple comment of "That's good" on her status. A few minutes later I got a message from her asking me to expand on my thoughts about the quote. It seemed like a good idea, so here goes...

First, I like the analogy Chopra uses here. The visual imagine of every cell in our body listening is powerful, if not a little scary. My mind goes kinda "Sci-Fi" channel and sees cells with ears attending to a anthropomorphic "thought" awaiting the next utterance as if receiving a command from the King. To snag a phrase from EF Hutton, "When your mind thinks, everyone listens." Fun stuff there. Meaningful stuff there, too.

Second, I think the message Chopra is sharing is that our thoughts tend to direct our focus and thus our actions. There is an old saying, "If you hang around the barber shop long enough, you're going to get a haircut." We laugh because we know it's true. If we think about it, a similar correlation can be drawn from something that precedes hanging out at the barber shop - thinking about the barber shop. Our continued thoughts about people, places and things pave the way for us to walk right up to them. In a very basic way thought commonly precedes action. The point here is that we need to be mindful (pun intended) of how we are thinking. I'm on board with that, and most spiritual traditions from extreme religious asceticism to tantric sex practices place importance on the power of our thoughts to produce action and results.

Lastly, I'd like to go metaphysical on you. If you take Chopra's statement beyond analogy and consider the possibility that there is a cellular (or perhaps spiritual connection) between the cells and processes of our bodies, then it makes sense that the energy exchanged in the process of thinking does have a butterfly effect on all of our cells and thus our body. It isn't too much of stretch to see the connection between our thoughts and our physical and spiritual well being. Of course, we might wonder if those thoughts aren't driven, as well, by the overall health of the larger system. We might also so say, "The voice of the mind speaks but the opinions of the body collective" - (we are Borg??). Nevertheless, the point is a profound one and it is my personal belief that we can make meaningful changes in ourselves by immersing ourselves - body and mind - in an environment that promotes the values of our deepest beliefs. If we hang around the barber shop, we'll likely end up with less hair. If we spend our time with negative and shallow thinking people, we might very well find ourselves with less joy and analytical capacity.

Wait - I guess I have another point, or thought at least. Within the Christian faith, we often speak of the 'Spirit' and our connection with the Divine. Chopra's tantalizing analogy nudges my mind to think of that connection of mind and body to also include spirit. As goes one - so resonates the others. If this is true, then maybe sometimes, when we are listening (eaves dropping) carefully - we might hear some thoughts that are greater than our own - moments when we are privy to eaves dropping on the thoughts of the Divine. If thoughts lead, then perhaps God's thoughts are one way the spirit is present with us, guiding, inviting us to respond to a possibility of change outside of what we can produce on our own in any given moment in time, and perhaps - it isn't about when those Spiritual thoughts are there as much as it is about when we are intently listening. Could we then say, 'Every devoted mind is eavesdropping on the very thoughts of God?"

I like that.

3 Truths for a Great Life

Jesus laughed. Jesus wept. Do likewise...

Jesus laughed. Jesus wept. Do likewise.

Your God is Too Damn Small - Excerpt

Your God is too damn small. Face it. Right now you are more concerned with the fact that I just said 'damn' than you are with your view of God. I assure you, the second is far more important.

God just doesn't get the respect God deserves anymore. Perhaps it is the cherubic faced angels or the faceless Willow Tree figurines that are to blame. Maybe it is our reaction to 1970's preaching that was once centered in guilt, shame and remorse. Whatever it is, the Divine comes across very warm and fuzzy these days. It is as if we have come to understand God as a great nurturing, heavenly helper. Contrast this to the scene from Job 38.

The manuscript that is now Job has a prologue and a postlude added. The first attempts to explain the heavenly drama in which the story of Job takes place. The second seeks to add some element of justice to the life experience of Job: the restoration of stuff and relationships to Job following his suffering.  Originally, neither prologue nor postlude was a part of the story. Job's life of misfortune and suffering is punctuated by one final plea to God for understanding, for an explanation of suffering. God, apparently weary of Job's questioning - replies in grand fashion.

Job 38: 1-7
Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:
 2 “Who is this that obscures my plans
   with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
   I will question you,
   and you shall answer me.
 4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
   Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
   Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
   or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together
   and all the angels shouted for joy?

The text continues with God pouring forth example after example of God's greatness and power, the end of which finds Job humble and cowering before God's awesome majesty.

Do we find God this big in our lives? Can we even imagine the vast greatness of this being to which we claim allegiance?  The writer of Proverbs 9:10 states, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." If my God isn't big enough to strike a little fear into my heart, my God is too small. I'm not talking here about being fearful, in a 'I'm scared God is gonna zap me to hell' kind of fear. No. I'm talking about an awesome respect.

In April of 2010 I was speaking at a Rotary conference in Asheville, NC. I happened to be attending that conference at The Biltmore House at the same time that President Obama and his family were vacationing there. The place was pretty well patrolled by Secret Service agents. I found myself standing in a hallway when about 9 agents appeared and asked me to step to the far side of the corridor. Within a few moments, the presidential family walked up a nearby staircase, past me and into a small dining area. I thought for a moment about reaching into my jacket pocket for my phone to take a photo, but stopped - a bit worried about how that movement might be interpreted (that and getting shot). I was a bit scared and frankly, nervous about the entire moment. I'm not sure we give God even that level of respect.

Fans will swoon and faint over a close encounter with a rock star. TV celebrities get swarmed with adoration and are often the desire of many. When Bono (from U2) speaks, much of the world listens. When Lindsey Lohan 'falls off the wagon,' again, it becomes animated conversation. Yet, when it comes to our God, we are more likely to walk into a worship experience late, or whisper gossip during a prayer than we are to be awed by the fact that the Divine Creator of the Universe is willing to listen to us.

Sometimes I wish God would jump out of a dark corner and shout "BOO!"

Is your God big enough? Does the Divine take you to a place of awe?

(an excerpt from the upcoming book by the same title)

5 Facts and Figures About the Holy Bible

If You’re Going to Quote The Bible – Know Something About It

The Christian bible is an amazing book. Almost everyone has more than one copy of it and it graces coffee tables, family archives and church libraries like no other single book. If you are ever staying in a hotel, you have to look no further than the nightstand drawer for a copy. It has been translated into almost every language. The bible is at the core of our lives, our worship and our theology – yet, most of us know very little about how to read it or how it came to be “The Bible.”

Consider these 5 things.

1. Mark is the oldest of the Gospels. Did you know that? The gospels are not in chronological , or even logical order. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John (sounds like the Beatles). Most scholars believe that the author of Luke also wrote Acts. Yet, we have John sitting in between them. Why did we do that? Back to Mark. Mark, as I mentioned is universally agreed to be the older of the gospel accounts – separated by decades from its closet kin, historically speaking. As such, it contains a shorter and most likely less embellished account of the gospel story. If you want the story, pure and simple, that was considered by the early followers of Jesus as important, read Mark. Read Mark several times. Read it again. I’ll wait. Make a list of the events of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. I promise you two things: you will be shocked by what is in the story and you will be amazed at what isn’t. Its good stuff, really it is.

2. Before you ‘proof text’* scripture, take time to know the context. We’ll come back to this one – in another post - it’s a beast.

3. Did you know Job has a prologue and postlude added to it? Remember the story of Job? An ordinary man is spotted by God and Satan and they make a wager: Satan says he is such a good man because God has made life good for him. God disagrees and that sets the stage for the testing of Job. The story now moves from heaven to earth and we see Job slowly and systematically smitten by evil: death, disease, social rejection (everybody un-friend-ed him on Facebook) – Job lost everything.  But, in the end he never rejected God and God saw to it that Job had everything restored to him – several times over (although the bible isn’t clear on exactly how you restore a dead wife – several times over). It is a good story with a simple moral. God may test us, but in the end, the faithful will be rewarded. Make sense? Sounds good – only it isn’t what the book of Job is about at all. Most biblical scholars agree (read - proving this is a long story) that the first few chapters of Job (the part about God and Satan’s wager) and the chapters that conclude the book (the part about the restoration of Job’s stuff) were actually later additions to the work. If you omit those and read the book of Job – the story changes drastically and in my humble opinion, actually sounds more like a sound theological treatment of the problem of suffering that we all face. In the end, God tells job (in dramatic fashion), “I’m God and you’re not – that’s why.” It’s a hard message, but sometimes that is the message we need to hear – We are not God, after all.

4. Consider the fact you are reading a translation of an interpretation of the translation of the original text which was a recollection of a collective memory. Jesus spoke Aramaic, the Gospel writers wrote it down (years later)  in Greek and which was translated to Latin which was translated to English...or something like that.

5. Get a good bible dictionary. You will learn loads of stuff just by reading about your favorite passages of scripture. I'd recommend consulting The Interpreters Dictionary of the Bible.


If these things catch you by surprise and cause you to ask some hard questions about how you are reading and using scripture – good. We are off to a solid start. Thoughts?

Some Thoughts on Sin, Judgement and Theological Perspectives - The Odd Journey of Loving Others

"Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin" – Rubbish!

Pardon me while I rant... We mean well when we invent platitudes and politically correct proclamations. I, above many others, am sensitive to the need to for non- offensive statements and the inclusion of divergent opinions, however, when it comes to utterances that just don’t make any practical sense – I’m not so tolerant. One of those sayings is “Love the sinner and hate the sin.” How do you do that? 

I don’t believe we can separate the two, at least not on a pragmatic level. How do you love the sinner and hate that sinners behavior? (Side note -of course I have trouble even defining what a sinner is, anyway. Isn't a non sinner an imagined state of faultlessness? As such, why do we even talk about such? I'd rather dispense with the term 'sinner' outright. It makes more sense to speak of loving people, even those who are doing destructive, and hurtful things to themselves or others.)  Can a person really differentiate themselves from their actions? Is it possible to really speak of someone apart from the choices that they make or the life they live?

It is our living that fills our soul, fleshes us out as people. We are human beings and our being can't really be segmented from our actions any more than our actions can exist without our being. In short, we don't have the option to love someone without loving the whole package. As my mother is often quoted (by me), "We love you warts and all."

So our theology has to be one that either supports loving or hating the person. Does God call us to love people who are doing bad things? Simply put, yes.

The challenge to love wouldn't be much of a challenge at all if it was to only love people who fit our particular perspective of good. Loving people that are different, and even those who are - by most assessments - bad, is hard work. As soon as I have it figured out - I'll let you know. In the mean time, let's not avoid the hard work of growing more capable of a greater love by speaking such silly things as "love the sinner, hate the sin."

Our use of such remarks is most often our attempt to state judgment on someone without taking responsibility for that. It reminds me of growing up in the South. Here you can say anything you want to about someone if you state it correctly - just end your statement with "bless their heart."

He is such a thick-headed oaf - bless his heart.
She is quite the whore - bless her heart.
That one isn't the sharpest tack in the box - bless her heart.

You get the idea. When someone talks about hating the sin, what they are really doing is judging. I love him, but I hate his drug use. I love her, but I hate the way she dresses. I love those people but... and then anything that comes after the but is really what you want to say.

I'm advocating a more difficult task of dealing with why I am judging others and learning to love more. Who's in?

God Loves Us Even if We're a Bad Joke

Can I tell you a bad joke? A lesbian, a Baptist and a Serial Killer Walk into a Church…

I’ve heard some funny jokes in my day. My favorite –with all due apologies to my family and friends who have heard it a thousand times – goes like this: A man walks into a bar. –pause- “Ouch!” Get it? I just think it is hilarious!

This post starts out like a bad joke- a lesbian, a Baptist and a serial killer walk into a church. What happens next? Actually, that could be a very interesting exercise in reflection. How would that joke end? I’ll give you a few minutes to think about it. Go ahead.

What would happen if that really happened the next time you were in church? A lesbian. A Baptist (that one is really scary). A serial killer. Question, how would you know? It isn’t like the visitor’s pad has a place for you to check. Visitor – check. Prayer request – check. Would like a visit from the pastor– check.  Serial Killer - check? How would we know? In fact, on any given Sunday the scary truth is there very well may be a Baptist in your midst!

All too often we gather in a common setting for worship and make assumptions about the people in the same room. The reality is that everyone of us carries our own unique set of dreams, mistakes, regrets and particular formulations. Say it with me, "I'm unique, just like everybody else." We are (and I mean this with all love and kindness) the makings of a bad joke - over and over again.

Given that truth - how cool is it that the Divine welcomes us to gather and seek our own peculiar journey?

Is Your God Competent?

Here's a truth for you, and if you don't get anything else I say here - get this" God is big enough for you. We hear a lot of theology about how powerful God is - God is omnipotent. We hear a lot of theology about how God knows everything - God is omniscient.  We don't hear about how capable God is, and God is capable. We need a new 'Omni' word: God is Omni-competent. No matter how messy, raw or difficult we may be when we come to God in prayer, God can handle it, and make something good out of it.

One of my favorite children's sermon stories (don't you really like those better than these sermons anyway?), is a story of a creative mother and her disobedient daughter. It goes like this...

A mother took her young daughter to shop for an Easter Sunday dress. The two of them had a grand time and decided on a simple, pure white dress, trimmed around the neck and hem with lace. "I'll look like an angel," the daughter proclaimed. The two returned home with the carefully boxed dress, ready for the next morning's Easter festivities. The mom placed the box on her daughter's dresser and gave her strict instructions to leave it alone until the morning.

Later, alone in her room, the young child couldn't resist just looking at it. She opened the box and again imagined how beautiful she would be. She couldn't resist just lifting it out of the box to see it better, and then - of course - she couldn't resist just trying it on. She looked at herself in the mirror and was so pleased that she decided to leave it on - just for a few minutes. She danced and twirled and practiced sitting - - sitting at the chair by the table with her art supplies. Soon she was sitting pretty and drawing and painting, and - yes, you guessed it - getting spots of paint, green paint, on the front of her dress. Once she saw what she had done - she panicked. She quickly took off the dress and as if she could make it all right, folded it back in the box and placed it on top of her dresser. Then she began to suffer, and worry and think. Finally, she didn't know what else to do so she took the box out of her room and shuffled to face her mother.

Her mother surveyed the damage. Three green spots of paint were staining the front of the previously pristine dress. "My dear! What have you done?" she asked. The daughter burst into tears and told her mother everything about how she couldn't help it, and how she wished she hadn't and how sorry she was. It was a story that every parent has heard, and every parent has wanted to make it right, to go back in time and change the past, and every parent has not been able to. But, this parent, this creative mother did something better. "My daughter," she said, "you did wrong and now this dress is a mess. It won't be the same. I hate it for you, because I know how much you wanted to look like an angel. It can't be the white dress you had, but let's see what we can do with what we have."

Then the mother took daughter and dress back to the art table and began to work. With a careful hand she drew from each green spot a single line and on the top of each line she painted a rose. On the bottom of each line she painted leaves and on she worked until the front of the dress was beautifully adorned by three delicate flowers on a pristine white canvas and that was the dress that she wore to Easter the next day.

God is Omni-competent. We take our messes to God. Then we discover a miracle. When we can't, God can.

Dragonflies, Easter Eggs and Resurrection - Easter Explained

I'm going to explain - once and for all - the TRUTH about the Easter story. Ready?  I watched my 4 year old granddaughter dyeing Easter eggs this week and I was overwhelmed by the TRUTH of the Easter story.

Eggs are very fragile and must be handled with care - remember that.

The Easter story is played out in the liturgical year between Maundy-Thursday and Easter Sunday. On the surface it is the tragic story of how a God-Man was betrayed by those he loved and the religion  he upheld and then put to death. It is also a story with a surprising ending. Within three days of his death, his friends and disciples (the ones that were still alive) began to talk about how he wasn't dead anymore. Thus began the story of the resurrection. Soon thereafter talk began about how his resurrection was more significant than just the restart of his life; it has a Divine statement about what God had done with God's relationship with humanity. These two affirmations - the resurrection of Jesus and the change it made on the human-God relationship is where Easter gets, well, weird and downright unbelievable.

Before you send over a lynch mob or psychiatric squad, let me explain. I read a wonderful post by Amy Julia Becker over at "her.meneutics" about the difficulty of explaining Easter to children. As I read it, I thought, "Children? I can't explain it to myself!" I like what Becker says, "One of the reasons I have trouble explaining Easter to my children is that I have trouble explaining it to myself. Even the New Testament writers couldn’t find adequate words or images to explain what happened that weekend in Jerusalem. While the facts remain easy — Jesus died on the cross, and God raised him from the dead — understanding the significance of those facts remains a challenge."

The real truth of this religious event is that we can't explain it at all. We can proclaim truths we believe - but Easter is a mystery and mysteries can't be explained very well. Mysteries are the shadows and wisps of our faith. They are iconic and archetypal. Mystery comes into our lives when our reality falls short and we are struggling to communicate and understand things beyond our common reference. Filled with grand images, haunting tragedy and unbelievable beauty, mysteries inspire and taunt us. In the art of storytelling, these are the stories that weave contradictions and have unexpected turns. In the wonder of religion, these are the moments when we stand on the edge of what we can understand and gaze out into the abyss and try and glimpse God. Easter is the realm of mystery.

I was mowing the lawn this weekend. Pushing an old mower up the backyard hill, lost in the noise and smell of the gasoline engine grinding grass and kicking dust. As I slowed my walk to turn the mower, a dragonfly flew in front of my face and hovered. I'm not sure how I knew to do this, but I let the stop on the mower go and as the engine jerked to silence, I lifted my hand toward the insect. It landed on the top of my hand and rested. I could then see it had caught a small worm. I watched as the dragonfly ate the worm, taking in the life and nourishment it provided. I was amazed at the smoothness of that moment, the way I was allowed to witness a microcosm of life, death, life - resting on my hand. He finished his meal and flew off. I resumed mowing and feeling, strangely enough, graced by what I had witnessed. How many people can say they have had a dragonfly use their hand for a dinner table? How strange that into the loud and coarse environment of mowing the lawn, a delicate life had come to be seen?

Mystery is fragile - like the Easter egg and the dragonfly- and we do well to hold it gently and take what it offers.

 At its best, our religion calls us to stretch our minds and spirits, to look and see and grow belief based on solid thinking and delicate mystery. Easter seems to challenge our norms and reality a bit more than other days. Perhaps one of the reasons church is so well attended on Easter is that many of us know this on some level. Perhaps in our return to the cross and tomb we are hoping for a gentle surprise, a delicate encounter with the truth about life, death and life.

He is risen. He is risen indeed.

Digital Mirror on The Wall – Am I Pretty?

I thought it had gone away, but because of a recent news-wire article picked up by the local paper here I guess the trend is still growing and considered ‘news.’ Tweens and teens are posting videos of themselves and asking the question, “Am I Pretty?” The conversation center piece is a video by “Kendal” asking the simple question regarding her looks. The video went viral and has over 4.4 million views and has spawned a cornucopia (now that’s a fun word) of internet and news media activity, becoming what I will dub a Digital Mirror Mirror phenomenon (remember the magical mirror from Snow White? “Mirror, mirror on the wall – who’s the fairest of them all?”).

Digital Mirror, Mirror

 While issues of teenage self-esteem, acceptance and perception are not news, what is worthy of note here is the attention, comments and banter that has arisen around this young lady’s video. The Digital Mirror, Mirror effect speaks to our understanding of community and the wide spread technologies that are available for conducting the business of that community – including the raising of children.

Asking the question, “Am I Pretty” isn’t new, especially among tweens and teens. It seems to be a normal part of the developmental process to gather information from your surroundings (family, friends, society, media, ect) and compare yourself to measure of beauty that you find there. So no matter if it is during a birthday ‘spin the bottle’ challenge or through an internet video, having a child seek out other’s opinions seems fairly normal. While I am not a psychologist, it seems that such questions are normal and are often defining moments in the development of someone’s self-esteem. The web, particularly Social Media has brought a more significant volume to this conversation. We are now not only able to ask this question to those near and dear to us, but are able to broadcast this to the masses of a much larger community.

The dynamics of the community are governed by the virtual world, and as such may expose the person gazing into the Digital Mirror, Mirror to something with a larger variant than the localized social community. It would seem that people are somewhat less likely to communicate with the level of respect and care through a digital medium than through a more direct and personal means. Looking at the comment stream on Kendal’s 4.4 million views Digital Mirror, Mirror reveals some very harsh and flippant comments. Ouch.

Technology isn’t going away and I expect it will continue to see exponential growth among tweens and teens, so I don’t think the answer lies in eliminating the technology – although some regulation of access to the technology is certainly in order for younger children. What can we do to help?

Provide Localized Community: It is said that it takes a village to raise a child.  That nature of that village has changed over time and now includes the digital community. We do well to make sure that the localized ‘village’ that affect our children includes some positive and spiritually challenging influences. I have never thought of church youth groups as very good at indoctrinating teens into a particular religious system (thankfully!). Pre-teen youths can be taught what to believe and think, but part of the demands of teenage development is to challenge those beliefs and ideas so that individual belief systems can be formed (it gives them a sort of early alert system against indoctrination - Danger Will Robinson!). The role of youth groups and youth trips and youth projects – inside and outside of the religious community – is to make sure that teenagers are exposed to thinking, causes and actions that are driven by something outside of and larger than themselves. We begin to find our unique place within our community by experiencing the community in a larger context. We need to be a part of a community that asks questions about value, purpose and meaning – outside of our immediate personal concerns (like pectoral muscle size, hair color, height, weight, etc.)

Demonstrate Deep Values: Children and youth learn a great deal (more than any parent dares believe) by watching and listening to the adults in their midst. It is about what we do much more than what we say. If we demonstrate loving and caring relationships, hands on volunteering, time helping others and devotion to meaningful causes, it does impact the values by which our children begin to judge and value themselves. If we treat people who are heavier, another race or dressed differently as less than - well, you know the drill.

Teach Another Question: This post began by repeating the questions asked by Kendal, “Am I Pretty or Ugly?” As important as that question is to a developing self, those of us who have endured and survived the superficial framing of life – know that there is another set of questions that need to be asked: “How am I different?” “How can I make a difference?” “What is important to me?” “Am I Creating Beauty for Others?” If we look for opportunities to ask and promote such questions, then perhaps we can influence those around us to consider them, as well.

The community we provide for our children, the things that we do each day for them to see, and the framing of our life questions are all ways we can transform the Digital Mirror Mirror, and perhaps cause it to ask a more life giving question -  “Mirror, mirror on the wall…?”

Grief and Bananas - Let's Dispense with the God-Talk Platitudes

This post might get a bit heavy - not heavy in the "I can't lift it" sort of way, but heavy in the "that's serious" sort of way. Now that you have been warned, let's dive in.

Years ago Elizabeth Kübler-Ross made the phrase 'death and dying' popular (I've always thought it should be dying and death - I mean don't they come in that order more often than not?).  The fame of her work and the mission of the resulting organization - now widely known as Hospice - has brought many of the issues around death and grief to the forefront. In her trend setting "Stages of Grief" model, Kübler-Ross has helped us understand that all people must travel through grief (to a great or lesser degree) when faced with a significant loss. Our grief journey isn't usually direct, neat or painless - but it is necessary. I've included a brief recap of the 5 Stages of Grief at the end of this post - since I know you are dying to really eager to learn more.

Here's the deal. People with a theistic worldview often turn to god-talk to try and deal with grief - quickly. The guiltiest of this are those of us who are looking from the outside-in at someone else's grief. Our thoughts and comments seem loving and well intended (yes. We all the road to hell is paved with good intentions). Ever hear or say one of these:

"We can take comfort that they are in a better place now."
"It is part of God's larger plan."
"I know he/she will be celebrating in heaven tonight."
"At least they aren't suffering anymore."
"He/she's with Jesus now."

Sound familiar? What could possibly be wrong with saying stuff like this? Two BIG problems.

First these are statements that are being claimed from the outside of grief and most likely are disconnected from the current experience of the grieving person. It isn't typically helpful to others - and most likely is an expression of our own difficulty dealing with the complex and uncomfortable emotions and concepts surrounding loss, death and our effort to understand the world. It is, in a way, like telling the child who just dropped their only cookie into the mud that "That's the way the cookie crumbles." We might as well say, "Get over it, kid." We need to be allowed to move through each step of grief - not challenged to jump to the end.

Secondly, when we toss around well meaning references to our perceived larger truths, we may be assuming the person even has a similar faith tradition. In a recent article in USA Today | News, an atheist's perspective on well meaning people of faith bring this to reality.

"We are facing an absolute loss, so when someone projects onto that the idea that we are going to be able to hold our children again or communicate with them, it is essentially dismissing the magnitude of that loss." - Rebecca Hensler

Common respect for another's belief should give us pause before laying down well meaning platitudes. My point (and I thank you for hanging on to my ramblings long enough for me to make it) is that we should approach discussions about dying and death "with fear and trembling" and thus, a high measure of respect. I would suggest we allow ourselves to be in the real and necessary discomfort grief - with the grieving. Perhaps we can learn another phrase or two:

"I know grief is hard."
"Death is tough to deal with - more than we usually imagine."
"My heart hurts with your loss."
"I can't know what you are feeling, and I want to help in any way I can."

I remember when a good friend and mentor of mine died. I was speaking to his widow a few days after his death and said, "I know this is a hard time and that there really isn't anything I can say or do to make it better, but is there anything little thing you need?" She looked at me a said, "Yes. Bananas." I must have looked surprised, because she started to smile and then we both laughed. Truly, she needed bananas to make a recipe for her son's school the next day. Sometimes, the best thing we can do to help people through their grief and for ourselves - is to just walk through the days with them. Bananas. Go figure.



The 5 Stages of Grief, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include:

1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death.

2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.

3. Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time..."

4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event.

The Bible Can't Prove It - Self Authenticating Authority

Just so I'm clear on this, you can't prove the infallibility of scripture by quoting scripture. It's an insane argument.

The Dark Side - Is It Really Necessary?

I love art, especially hand drawn works. I don’t draw (although I have been accused of drawling often enough). Two things seem very important in sketch art: what is there and what contrasts with what is there.

Original art - Vanessa Boynton
www.vanessaboynton.com

The use of shadow, contrast and ‘white space’ serve to catch my eye and draw a needed focus to the rest of the work. Without shadow and contrast – the main image and focus is impossible to see. The darkness and the light are necessary. Now allow me to think out loud for a moment.

I’ve heard many people wax philosophical about the role of shadow, darkness (aka evil) in our lives. It is sometimes casually mentioned, “Well, if it wasn’t for the bad – we wouldn’t appreciate the good.” While there is some truth to this in art and artistry, I believe I will take exception with any universal application of that slogan - at least today.

Poetically speaking it may be true that struggling in the dark, searching for a light switch, may lead us to feel relieved when we flip on the light (heck! I certainly don’t want to trip over my dog in the night. He might bite), it is not then necessary for me to have that darkness to appreciate the convenience of light. I don’t have to have wet to enjoy dry, or black to like white, or loud to love quiet. However, let’s assume for a moment that these life contrasts are necessary – it still doesn’t prove we need evil. Speaking of evil, let talk about parenting (funny? Yes?)

If you grow up as a child with loving, attentive and kind parents – do you require bad parents to recognize this? I don’t think so. You just live and thrive within the goodness of your “Leave It to Beaver” household. There doesn’t have to be an abusive, molesting father in the world in order for us to benefit from and enjoy the tenderness of a loving parent. No. There seems to be a point at which the contrasting experiences of our living cease to be variants of natural conditions and become something qualitatively different.

I think my point is that there is a real, not just theoretical distinction between artistic or life reference contrast and the real ‘darkside’ of our life. There are bad, severely misshaped realities (read people) in our world. We should work to change that and under no circumstances should we justify their existence with some artistic or poetic analogy.

Does this make sense to you? Is there a line, however difficult to draw consistently, that separates acceptable differences from just plain wrong?

Note: strange thought just now – I believe both Hitler and Jesus would agree with the above. That’s scary.