It isn't as popular as it was a few years ago, but I still hear it said, “What would Jesus do?” The intention is innocent enough and the catchy phrase certainly sticks with you.
The initials make a great bumper sticker. WWJD.
It is a good question and one we can certainly ponder. Asking this question about Jesus, about anyone really, is the gate that enters into the realm of that person’s core make up. The question, “What would s/he do?” always implies other questions, “What motivates this person? What is his/her decision framework, or moral compass, made of?” In short, if we are to take a stab at knowing what someone would do in a particular situation, we need to really know them, and the better we know the, the better the odds are we could predict what they would do.
Perhaps the best way to know what, or who, someone is, is to ‘walk a mile in their moccasins,’ to live as they lived – to be them.
Here’s the problem: Can we ever really be Jesus, even for a moment?
As much as Jesus was fully human, he was also fully divine. We are not. We are imperfect, struggling, fractured human beings. We can imagine what it might be like to be fully human/divine, but can we really understand what it was like to be Jesus?
There is an even deeper problem. Jesus had a very specific life ministry. He was born, grew and accepted a dramatic calling directly from God: Love people, minister to them, make and teach disciples, and (here’s the problem) give your life for the redemption of humanity. Last time I checked, that mission, that ministry was done.
We not only can’t be Jesus, we shouldn't try to be Jesus. Asking WWJD may be the wrong question.
We need a better question.
What if we focused on being ourselves? What if each of us accepted that the goal of our spiritual life is to be the very best “me” he or she could be? What if growing spiritually wasn’t about being or behaving like someone else – but rather was about being you? Then the better questions would be, “What would Jesus have me do? What is God’s will for me? What does Jesus want ME to do?” This life, this gift of personal mission, can certainly learn from Jesus’ teachings and choices, AND I need to figure out what I need to do to fulfill that mission. My purpose and my spiritual journey are tied to my choices about my life decisions.
What if we asked, "What would Jesus want me to do?"
A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His mouth can hold more than his belly can,
He can hold in his beak,
Enough food for a week!
I'm damned if I know how the hell he can!
-Dixon Lanier Merritt, a Southern newspaper editor and President of the American Press Humorists Association, penned this famous limerick in 1910. It is carved in stone and displayed prominently at Brook Green gardens in SC.
Watching several Pelicans feed in the tributaries of Murrells Inlet, SC, I was taken by how often they fail to catch fish. It is fairly easy to mark a successful dive, as the stately bird will raise its beak skyward to send the fish wiggling down its gullet. I began keeping score. I counted a total of twenty five dives between four birds and could only verify a catch seven times. With a slightly better than 25% success rate, these gobbling fowl still are known as great fishers.
I guess nature confirms the old saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
1. Hunger for something will keep you trying.
2. The pain of failure is quickly forgotten once the benefits of success arrive.
3. Never give up.
Today's guest post is contributed by Cyndi Briggs, teacher, writer, dreamer and recent TED presenter. You can read more at her blog, The Sophia Project.
This month, I turn 41 years old. To celebrate, I share with you 41 nuggets of wisdom I've collected over the past 41 years. Life is too short for bad coffee.
Ditch the automatic drip and invest in a French press or Melitta filter. Buy the whole bean stuff (I prefer the dark roast from Trader Joe’s = $5). Grind it yourself. The ceremony and process of making coffee is as rewarding as the drinking. Don’t shortchange yourself.
Travel.
Please, just go. Nearly everything of importance I’ve learned about myself I learned because I got my butt up out of the chair and moved it to new places. Travel teaches me courage, patience, mindfulness, awe. Travel introduces me to the fears and biases crouching inside of me, helps me tame them and transform them into vulnerability and hope. Leave the country. If you can’t afford it right now, take a road trip. If you can’t afford that right now, drive 30 minutes to a town you’ve never visited and walk the streets and notice. Just go. Compound interest.
Go to T. Rowe Price. Set up a Roth IRA. Automatically contribute to it each month. It takes minutes and your future self will thank you. The earlier you start the better (I started at age 26). But it’s never too late. De-clutter.
I’m a neat freak. Here’s why: the inside of my head is a mess. It’s full of ideas, bits of dreams, colors, song lyrics, dance moves, memories, poetry, faces, names, facts, figures, sharp angles and rounded corners. I believe there may also be a hamster in there, running on a wheel. When my physical space is tidy and free of clutter, my mind gets to run wild. Get rid of stuff. Gather plastic bags and old boxes, go through closets and drawers. Unload anything that doesn’t make you happy or fit in your life. Take it to Goodwill, where someone who needs it will cherish it.
Move.
I believe the single greatest cause of mental health problems in our culture is our lack of movement. We sit. All. Day. We are not designed to be sitters. We’re animals, after all, and animals need, crave, thrive on movement. Stop making excuses. Admit you know you need to be more active. Find something you love and start by doing it for five minutes a day. Put on music and dance in your living room. Walk. Turn cartwheels in the back yard. Just move.
It’s OK to be selfish.
Not the “Greed is good” brand of selfishness. The kind of selfishness that says, “My needs matter, and it’s OK to make myself a priority in my own life.” Women in particular need to heal ourselves from the misperception that everyone else’s needs come before our own. They don’t. We cannot truly nurture anyone if we don’t know how to nurture ourselves. Our own lives are the great testing ground for our strengths and abilities. Practice on you, first.
Neuroplasticity.
We (counselor-type people) used to believe that the brain stagnates at a certain age. That neurons died and weren’t replaced so forgetting (keys or names or to put on underwear) was an automatic outcome of aging. Not so. We know now that our brains are wildly regenerative, and new neural pathways are built all the time. And can be created throughout life. Until we die. And we can create them ourselves. Your brain is a miracle. Use it.
Quit.
I’m a big fan of quitting. I think hanging onto a job or relationship or situation that no longer serves is pointless. It proves nothing to no one to stick with a horrible, life-depleting situation simply to prove one’s loyalty. Be loyal to yourself first. If it isn’t working, it’s time to go.
Quit smoking.
I know it’s hard. Right now, there are boardrooms full of tobacco executives spending billions of dollars to keep people addicted to their product. It really, really pisses me off. So do your best to quit. If you relapse, quit again. Think of it as a war of righteousness against an industry that wants to kill you. You can beat this thing. I believe in you.
Dream recklessly.
One of my unfulfilled dreams: to buy a little RV and spend a year seeing everything I can possibly see in the 49 continental United States. It’s a dream that makes no sense. That has no rational purpose. It’s utterly illogical and makes my whole body vibrate with excitement and happiness. Make yourself vibrate like that. Make your cells dance with dreaming.
Tip well.
Restaurant servers are the hardest working people on earth. And many, many of them have other jobs: students, artists, actors, parents. AND, in North Carolina, servers are still paid the criminally low hourly wage of $2.13 per hour. So if you receive good service, tip well. It’s one small way to be kind.
Make friends with your fear.
So many of us (including me) get stuck in fears about the future, about stability, about money, about rejection. Fear lets us know we’re pushing our boundaries, moving beyond what is known. Making friends with fear (invite it out for coffee or host a sleep-over) lessens its power over our decision making. Embracing it not as something to be avoided but as a compass that lets us know we’re heading in a new and exciting direction turns it from a weapon into a tool.
Allow for ambiguity.
It is the height of wisdom to admit “I don’t know”. It’s easy to look around and assume everyone else has it all figured out. They don’t. Most of us are confused most of the time. Knowing that confusion and lack of clarity are an integral part of evolution lessens the stress they can cause.
Floss.
Seriously. Floss. Your teeth.
Sleep.
Getting enough sleep changes lives. Being rested increases productivity, lowers stress and cortisol levels in the body, prevents a whole host of diseases including heart disease and cancer, increases focus and attention, and makes for a happier you. Stop pretending that skipping sleep is a worthy thing to do. It isn’t. Get some rest!
Change is inevitable.
A few years ago, a colleague of mine went on a one year sabbatical. While she was gone, our whole department changed: retirements, resignations, promotions, new hires. When she got back she said, “All I did was go on sabbatical and everything changed.” The lesson? Change happens. To resist this fundamental truth is to experience unnecessary suffering.
Meet your needs.
Eat what feels good. Get enough rest. Pay your bills. Relax when you need to. Create what longs to be created. When you meet your own needs, you communicate to the world and to those around you that you are a person who gets her needs met. And then, miracles.
Breathe.
Three deep belly breaths. Right now.
Art supplies are awesome.
I keep them around all the time. Colorful markers, crayon, paper, collage materials. Knowing I can throw down some art at any moment keeps the creative fire burning in me, ready to roll.
Move toward love.
Go to those people who seek you out and invite you in. If the door isn’t opening, be it a love relationship, friendship, or employment opportunity, then that door isn’t the one you’re meant to go through. Keep walking til you find the right one.
Google isn’t wisdom.
The answers you truly seek can’t be found on a search engine. Only the hard but important work of looking deep inside yourself yields true wisdom.
Surround yourself with what you love.
My little home office is decorated with photos of my best friends, my sweetie, my family. I’m surrounded by pictures of travels, inspirational sayings, cards from old friends. I love being here, and the love that surrounds me inspires me and helps me create.
Dream big...
Dreams and imagination are language of the soul, the best version of ourselves longing to surface. Nurture your dreams. Encourage the outlandish, the seemingly impossible.
... And do your Work.
Sacrifice and discipline aren’t as fun or sexy-sounding as dreaming, but they are necessary to making dreams real. I’ve been writing my blog for three years. Most weeks, I write twice per week, 1000 words per post. In an average year, nearly 100,000 words. I did not build this blog by dreaming alone.
Ask for help.
Most people (women in particular) are great at giving, bad at receiving. We view asking for help as weakness, as a burden to the people we love. Yet allowing space for others to help us gifts them with the opportunity to serve. Make a practice of asking.
Listen.
Most people who are struggling don’t want advice or a quick fix. They are simply looking for someone to hear their story. Sit. Still your mind. Don’t interrupt. Just listen.
Give it away.
Every month, no matter now much or how little money I have in my checking account, I make a donation to a charity or organization I believe in. Doing so benefits the causes I care about, but it also makes me feel generous and reminds me of the abundance in my own life, even when my bank balance is low.
Practice gratitude.
Brené Brown says that happiness can’t exist without gratitude. Happiness is not some future state that might happen if certain changes or conditions occur. Cultivating gratitude in the abundance that exists now helps lay the foundation for present and future happiness.
Age isn’t just a number.
I’m 41 years old. I’m about halfway done with this little life of mine. As much as I would like to believe that age is just a number, the truth is my time here on earth isn’t infinite. I only have so many days left (and may they be plentiful). I can postpone happiness, or I can live it now. The passing of the years makes the decision so much easier to make.
There are very few problems that can’t be helped with a good walk in the woods (being chased by a bear is probably one of them).
Blow your mind.
Here’s one: What if before you were ever born, your wise soul met up with your parents’ wise souls and you entered into a contract to be a family together? What if you, in fact, chose your parents? What if they were the exact people you needed to teach you in this lifetime? Chew on that one for a while.
Cultivate wonder.
Good God, you’re a miraculous being. Right now your lungs are breathing air without you thinking about it. Your heart beats in the same way. Your eyes see the words on your computer screen. You feel an itch on your face and your hand moves automatically to scratch it. You can smell apple pie, or in the absence of such pie, you can imagine the smell of apple pie. Holy SHIT! You are AMAZING!
Mentor.
Pretending you are not brilliant and wise serves no one. You are brilliant and wise. You have so much love and wisdom to offer the world. Offer it. Extend a hand. Be generous. Share what you know.
Learn to be alone.
I have learned to love my own company. This is the greatest gift I have given myself and I cherish it. I can entertain myself in a million different ways, and experience no fear about being out in the world, alone, as a traveler; nor in my apartment, alone, on a Saturday night. Learning to be alone is freedom.
Not everyone will approve. Make peace with it.
I occasionally get critical feedback on my blog. Critical feedback of the caring, sensible, helpful variety I appreciate and incorporate. Then there is the other kind. Like the reader who called me out publicly for using a certain four-letter F-word. That kind of feedback I catch and release, the kind that is clearly about someone else’s hang-ups, not my own.
I am going to die.
Not today. Hopefully not tomorrow. But someday. My body will let go of my spirit and I will be nothing more than a memory. Keeping this knowledge close beside me liberates me from so much fear and angst. Since I already know the ending, I may as well enjoy the ride.
Our bodies are meant to dance. It is our birthright and our connection to the divine. It doesn’t matter if you’re “good” at it (and you are, trust me), or if you ever dance in public. As a wise man once said: Get up off of your feet. Dance and you’ll feel better. Start here, now:
Tell the truth.
So obvious. Yet so hard. Most of us are honest when it comes to the big things. But when it comes to the “little” things, like expressing a need or want or desire, we so often lie to ourselves and others. Stop. Speak what you need. Speak what you want. If you’re too cold, say so. If you want some alone time, say so. If the sex isn’t doing it for you, say so. Tell your Truth.
Write thank you notes.
In this world of digital everything, taking the time to hand-write a thank you note is precious. It will never go out of style. The recipient will thank you and you’ll have a gratitude boost from the process.
I love you.
I may not know you. If we met, we might find we have different belief systems, different opinions or ideas. Regardless, I feel fully confident in my love for you. Right there, right in the middle of you is a heart and a soul and a person of tremendous value, worth, and meaning. I believe in you. I believe in you. 100%. Today, tomorrow, always. I've got your back.
I ran across an online article about how "Religion and faith can be good for you." It is an interesting read and mostly got me thinking about how difficult it is to have a conversation about religion among those of divergent opinions.
I'm in sales (yes, you've been warned) and many good sales people will tell you to stay away from two topics: politics and religion. It is a tricky minefield - talking about politics and religion. It isn't the same as discussing an alternative driving route from home to work. We are very willing to listen to something that might lessen our commute or make it more enjoyable, or at least give us an alternative if traffic is bad. Not so much with religion.
Part of the challenge is that many of us consider the route dictated by our religious path a single path to a singular destination. There is only one way to get to the one place. What is more, we tend to be rather cautious about considering that our route might not be THE one. It is understandable, in part. If the metaphorical alternative is a ride that will take you off a cliff to your death - exchanging religious ideas might be dangerous.
The part that doesn't make sense to me is that historically speaking, we have all been down the wrong path. There isn't a religious tradition or denomination that hasn't, at one point or another, driven full throttle over the cliff all the while insisting that it was on the right path. Consider - the crusades, the US Civil War, Civil rights, and any number of pseudo-political religious actions.
However (and this is a really BIG however), what about the value of open mindedness? What about the momentary suspension of one's personal convictions in order to hear, understand and perhaps learn from a contrary point of view? One of the greatest freedoms available to us as citizens of the USA is freedom of speech - yet, we seem to be among the last to freely exchange ideas and contrary opinions without going all fisticuffs on each other.
While in college, I was vehemently opposed to atheism. The thought of disbelief in God and all of the trappings of my personal faith was appalling and, well... terrifying to me. Somehow I had thrown up a wall around my mind and if the conversation turned to anything that smacked of atheism, I was gone - as fast as my little doctrinal legs would carry me.
One day a religion professor - a educated, kind and openly Christian man - suggested I take the risk and talk with one of the better known atheists on campus. He suggested I NOT talk with him with the intent of changing his mind, but rather seek to listen and understand why and what he believed. I forced myself to listen, to ask questions and allow myself to hear another point of view. At one point he said, "I don't believe in God." Seeking to be open, I asked him, "Tell me about this God you don't believe in." He talked for an hour or more . When he was done I could honestly say to him, "It is interesting. I don't believe in that god either." When spent many hours together over the following years talking about our personal beliefs and similar hopes and fears. He never came to believe as I did (perhaps he did admit a few times he had grown to be more agnostic than atheist), and I never lost my faith (although I did learn some difficulties with my beliefs). We would both agree, however that we were better because of the friendship.
Perhaps there is something to fear in the failure to listen to others of different beliefs and traditions - that's scary!
We've had some winter weather. Time at home has allowed me to dig out some old CDs and take a musical ride through time.
Today I've managed a few minutes to simply sit in the living room and listen to music. I would normally listen to satellite radio or an iTunes play list, but today I've dusted off some of the CDs stacked about the room and found an array of music that I haven’t heard for some time. Right now, it’s Jethro Tull’s “Aqualung.”
With this music comes a specific memory. This album takes me back to 1975, Myrtle Beach, SC where I grew up.
I remember one very specific day in May, an afternoon after my birthday but before the summer break in between my junior and senior year of high school. I was still driving the hand-me-down family car, a 1966 Chevrolet Bel Air, and at that particular moment was cruising north on Highway 17 between Murrells Inlet and Myrtle Beach headed into town to join friends for pizza and some night time fun. The car stereo was blasting, powered by an 8-Track tape player as I listened for the first time to “My God.” What I remember today, is somehow in that drive I felt very free, and I knew that even though I didn't fully understand what Tull was saying – I knew two things: 1. There was more about God to learn than my parents had taught me and 2. I liked this crazy, in-your-face, music.
I still know those two things.
"My God"
Jethro Tull
People -- what have you done --
locked Him in His golden cage.
Made Him bend to your religion --
Him resurrected from the grave.
He is the god of nothing --
if that's all that you can see.
You are the god of everything --
He's inside you and me.
So lean upon Him gently
and don't call on Him to save you
from your social graces
and the sins you used to waive.
The bloody Church of England --
in chains of history --
requests your earthly presence at
the vicarage for tea.
And the graven image you-know-who --
with His plastic crucifix --
he's got him fixed --
confuses me as to who and where and why --
as to how he gets his kicks.
Confessing to the endless sin --
the endless whining sounds.
You'll be praying till next Thursday to
all the gods that you can count.
My friend asked for my opinion of John's post, so I thought I would share it publicly here:
John’s blog is good. I've read some of his stuff before. His thoughts are well processed and he reason sound. His perspective is different than my own – if a quantitative not qualitative difference. He personifies evil more than I like. Evil, for me, is more about the malformation of possibility, the twisted and sometimes fateful course of human choice gone bad. God has created a reality, placed humans into it (and a lot of other life) and set-up a structure of guiding forces that react to the movement of life through that reality. On a simple level – we are creatures who make choices and live with the consequences – often unknown – of those choices. Life, reality is affected by the singular and cumulative effect of human choice. We create specific cultures by how we chose to live. We create environmental impact/change by the consequences of our patterns of relating to the natural (and orderly) world. We develop as individuals as a result of the choices we make: how we choose to act or react to life on life’s terms. It is neither my experience of life or my religious belief that there is a godly-evil at work corrupting and mal-forming this human project. Rather, the evil influence is the cumulative result of our individual and collective choices to do less-than-godly things. We are our own worst enemies- in the words of Pogo, “We have met the enemy and He is us.”
To build on John's image - we are the wind.
That said, while my world view (other-worldly view?) may differ from John's, I agree that the cumulative result of the malformation of humanity in our world is an urgent matter. I believe the solution is to be found among people of faith and religious traditions that are loving enough to embrace good and strong enough to stand for love in the face of these malformations. We need only look at civilized history for mentors: Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, ML King, Jr, Bill Wilson, etc. We will find there ways to fight - Prayer, acts of kindness, civil disobedience, debate, personal sacrifice for the good of those who can’t…
One final thought. I am glad people were shocked by the events in Newtown. Part of our hope is centered in the belief that the normal course of our lives and world is ruled by lawful, perhaps even loving actions. We expect good, and hope for some sacred places that our collective humanity respects. We don’t expect someone to kick a puppy, curse at their elders, or shoot children. If we are ever not shocked by these occurrences, we have even more to fear from ourselves.
"A little bit preaching, a tad irreverent and a dash of hilarious - Wishful Preaching is a collection of 12 sermons that SHOULD be preached from the pulpit. After 15 years of ministry and a less than pretty exit, I've become aware that there are a few things I wish I'd said from the pulpit.
Preaching isn't really all about what the preacher does. It is about what we do, what we hear and how that impacts our lives. Preaching is as much about hearing as it is about talking. This book is about the talking, the proclaiming of preaching. I have written in a form very similar to how I've preached with a mix of scripture, story and humor.
This book is about hearing, too. You will be challenged to hear some things in different ways, in ways that might really challenge you, even make you steaming, righteous mad. Sound fun?"
In a world where we are connected via smart phones, tablets, laptops and email we seldom are required to wonder about and anticipate the arrival of someone, someone special. Last Sunday, I was sharing the morning with my 4 year old granddaughter. We were early to church, getting there before many others and their children. Of particular interest to my grandkid was her current 'best church friend', Ruthie. Ruthie is a preteen and simply the greatest small human on the planet to my granddaughter. The order of the morning was to find Ruthie. We walked around the church building, strolled outside to survey the parking lot - we paused and waited - then we looked in another place. As I let my granddaughter lead me on our search for Ruthie, I wondered if Ruthie was even coming to church that day.
Waiting on Ruthie
My first thought was to call Ruthie's mom, but I didn't have her number so we waited. As other children arrived and the time for worship approached, I mentioned that Ruthie might not be coming to church. My granddaughter was undaunted and took her position by the front lobby window. As she watched each car and person arrive with no Ruthie, I imagined the varied emotions she must be experiencing.
Haven't we each had the experience of wanting someone to arrive, hoping to see them? Truth is, as I thought about the experience I had to go to memories of my childhood, to a time when technology wasn't so available, a time when we weren't connected constantly. I remember waiting, nose pressed to the window pane, for my uncle and aunt to arrive on Christmas eve. We couldn't open presents until they arrived, and they wouldn't arrive until they completed their trip to my aunt's parents. We didn't have any way of knowing when they would arrive, or where they were in their timeline. The high tech communications of the day consisted of nothing more than house phones - usually one to a home. So we had to wait. We just did the things we needed to do and carried with each of our actions the hovering expectation of their arrival. The later it got, the more excited we got. The more we lived with that unknown and the knowledge that they could round that corner any moment, the more excited we got. I haven't had that experience lately. I watched my granddaughter experiencing something similar and wondered how quickly technology would make her unknowns fade.
Is there something necessary in our waiting, our expectations in waiting? Do we need to develop and live with some level of uncertainty in order to have a deeper level of connection or value to the arrival moments in our lives? Have we grown so accustom to rapid communication and instant accessibility to family and friends that we are less capable of dealing with uncertainty, and open expectations?
Last Sunday, Ruthie never arrived. My granddaughter finally gave up and joined me in the pew as worship began. Soon she was sharing drawings and quiet conversation with the 4 yr old boy seated next to us. In a few minutes they walked downstairs together for 'children's church.' It was clear her expectation of Ruthie's arrival had passed. What was not clear is how immeasurably valuable that simple moment of hoping, anticipating and waiting may have been for her development. Did she learn something about waiting? Did she build even care to share in the next meeting with Ruthie? What is clear is that it has me thinking...
If You’re Going to Quote The Bible – Know Something About It
The Christian bible is an amazing book. Almost everyone has more than one copy of it and it graces coffee tables, family archives and church libraries like no other single book. If you are ever staying in a hotel, you have to look no further than the nightstand drawer for a copy. It has been translated into almost every language. The bible is at the core of our lives, our worship and our theology – yet, most of us know very little about how to read it or how it came to be “The Bible.”
Consider these 5 things.
1.Mark is the oldest of the Gospels. Did you know that? The gospels are not in chronological , or even logical order. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John (sounds like the Beatles). Most scholars believe that the author of Luke also wrote Acts. Yet, we have John sitting in between them. Why did we do that? Back to Mark. Mark, as I mentioned is universally agreed to be the older of the gospel accounts – separated by decades from its closet kin, historically speaking. As such, it contains a shorter and most likely less embellished account of the gospel story. If you want the story, pure and simple, that was considered by the early followers of Jesus as important, read Mark. Read Mark several times. Read it again. I’ll wait. Make a list of the events of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. I promise you two things: you will be shocked by what is in the story and you will be amazed at what isn’t. Its good stuff, really it is.
2.Before you ‘proof text’* scripture, take time to know the context. We’ll come back to this one – in another post - it’s a beast.
3.Did you know Job has a prologue and postlude added to it? Remember the story of Job? An ordinary man is spotted by God and Satan and they make a wager: Satan says he is such a good man because God has made life good for him. God disagrees and that sets the stage for the testing of Job. The story now moves from heaven to earth and we see Job slowly and systematically smitten by evil: death, disease, social rejection (everybody un-friend-ed him on Facebook) – Job lost everything. But, in the end he never rejected God and God saw to it that Job had everything restored to him – several times over (although the bible isn’t clear on exactly how you restore a dead wife – several times over). It is a good story with a simple moral. God may test us, but in the end, the faithful will be rewarded. Make sense? Sounds good – only it isn’t what the book of Job is about at all. Most biblical scholars agree (read - proving this is a long story) that the first few chapters of Job (the part about God and Satan’s wager) and the chapters that conclude the book (the part about the restoration of Job’s stuff) were actually later additions to the work. If you omit those and read the book of Job – the story changes drastically and in my humble opinion, actually sounds more like a sound theological treatment of the problem of suffering that we all face. In the end, God tells job (in dramatic fashion), “I’m God and you’re not – that’s why.” It’s a hard message, but sometimes that is the message we need to hear – We are not God, after all.
4.Consider the fact you are reading a translation of an interpretation of the translation of the original text which was a recollection of a collective memory. Jesus spoke Aramaic, the Gospel writers wrote it down (years later) in Greek and which was translated to Latin which was translated to English...or something like that.
5.Get a good bible dictionary. You will learn loads of stuff just by reading about your favorite passages of scripture. I'd recommend consulting The Interpreters Dictionary of the Bible.
If these things catch you by surprise and cause you to ask some hard questions about how you are reading and using scripture – good. We are off to a solid start. Thoughts?
It wasn't that long ago, just 'the other day' as we say here in the South, that I was visiting a rural church for worship. After the call to worship by a well tuned choir, the pastor headed to the pulpit. He rose slowly, with an audible groan, shuffled to the pulpit, arranged a few papers and then without looking up, spoke a droning welcome, "This is the day...that the Lord has made..let us be (hesitation) joyful."
It was almost a scene from Saturday Night Live. I didn't know if I should laugh or moan. Clearly his life moment and his words were - disconnected.
Sometimes we don't feel it. Sometimes we are just not happy, joyous and free. What do we do when our desire to be joyful and our feelings don't jive?
Here's some thoughts on that:
1. It's OK to feel bitchy, sad, discouraged and down right 'unholy.' Emotions aren't evil, just uncomfortable. Give yourself a break. It will mostly likely pass.
2. What I feel doesn't have to determine what I do. Acknowledge how you feel, but don't inflict that on innocent (or guilty, for that matter) bystanders.
3. We can change our attitude. Write a list of things that are good in your life. Recite positive and life affirming statements. If I say, "I will win. Why? I'll tell you why. Because I have faith, courage and enthusiasm" ten times, it will likely change my attitude.
One of my favorite quotes comes from William James, "The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind."
Pardon me while I rant... We mean well when we invent platitudes and politically correct proclamations. I, above many others, am sensitive to the need to for non- offensive statements and the inclusion of divergent opinions, however, when it comes to utterances that just don’t make any practical sense – I’m not so tolerant. One of those sayings is “Love the sinner and hate the sin.” How do you do that?
I don’t believe we can separate the two, at least not on a pragmatic level. How do you love the sinner and hate that sinners behavior? (Side note -of course I have trouble even defining what a sinner is, anyway. Isn't a non sinner an imagined state of faultlessness? As such, why do we even talk about such? I'd rather dispense with the term 'sinner' outright. It makes more sense to speak of loving people, even those who are doing destructive, and hurtful things to themselves or others.) Can a person really differentiate themselves from their actions? Is it possible to really speak of someone apart from the choices that they make or the life they live?
It is our living that fills our soul, fleshes us out as people. We are human beings and our being can't really be segmented from our actions any more than our actions can exist without our being. In short, we don't have the option to love someone without loving the whole package. As my mother is often quoted (by me), "We love you warts and all."
So our theology has to be one that either supports loving or hating the person. Does God call us to love people who are doing bad things? Simply put, yes.
The challenge to love wouldn't be much of a challenge at all if it was to only love people who fit our particular perspective of good. Loving people that are different, and even those who are - by most assessments - bad, is hard work. As soon as I have it figured out - I'll let you know. In the mean time, let's not avoid the hard work of growing more capable of a greater love by speaking such silly things as "love the sinner, hate the sin."
Our use of such remarks is most often our attempt to state judgment on someone without taking responsibility for that. It reminds me of growing up in the South. Here you can say anything you want to about someone if you state it correctly - just end your statement with "bless their heart."
He is such a thick-headed oaf - bless his heart. She is quite the whore - bless her heart. That one isn't the sharpest tack in the box - bless her heart.
You get the idea. When someone talks about hating the sin, what they are really doing is judging. I love him, but I hate his drug use. I love her, but I hate the way she dresses. I love those people but... and then anything that comes after the but is really what you want to say.
I'm advocating a more difficult task of dealing with why I am judging others and learning to love more. Who's in?
Dave Matthews band calls it, "The Space Between." Marketers say, "White space sells." Advertisers refer to "The pause that refreshes." All of these folks and their sayings come to mind when I find myself overwhelmed by the business and intensity of living.
Life comes at us pretty hard, sometimes. The multiplying demands of parenting, the self manifesting lists of tasks for work, the bombardment of feelings from our relationships - all take their toll on us. Our lives become crowded. Sometimes we carve out more time by sleeping less. Other times we try to tilt the scales by omitting leisure time and hobbies. These things, these accessories to our living are 'luxuries' after all, right? Soon we become tired, anxious, angry and hungry for some down time. Devotion to family, church, non-profits, and even our pets tugs at us with passionate attachment.
We all know in our minds that down time brings balance, even serenity to our living, yet... too often we lack the white space between the business and activities that make demands of us. Here's a short list of 5 things we can do to create more white space in our living.
1.Manage your use of time. When we begin to feel that we don't have enough time in the day, that there is not enough of us to go around, we can remember that there is always 'enough' time. Time doesn't vary. We have 86,400 seconds in every day - everyday. The issue is trying to do too much. Make a list of everything that needs to be done, then organize your day accordingly. Group similar tasks together (computer tasks, errands, phone calls) and then complete similar tasks together. Delegate to someone else what you can (don't be afraid to ask for help from friends, colleagues, even relatives). "To everything there is a season..." -Ecclesiastes 3:1
2.Plan for your hobbies. Many of us don't think of our 'play' time as important. Carl Jung reportedly spent hours 'playing' during his most difficult periods of his adult life. The solution to our biggest obstacles is often dependent on us allowing our creative minds to play. Make sure that 'play' that you enjoy is on your list.
3.Exercise. The spirit may be willing, but if the flesh is weak, stress and fatigue will overcome us. As strange as it seems, the times when we are most 'tired' are often because we have neglected our bodies. Exercise that engages cardio and muscle strength - even in 20-30 minute daily doses will work wonders.
4.Use advocates. We all have people who understand our need to rest, relax, create, ponder and otherwise have down-time in our lives. If we can get the support of a loving friend to hold us accountable for our self care, we are likely to be more successful. It is easier to say 'no' to one more demand if we have an advocate in our corner.
5.Do nothing. There is a Spanish proverb - "How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterwards." Plan for some nothing time. A cup of coffee on the back porch. A restful moment before you start your morning commute. Stare at the stars. Stand in the dark and feel yourself breathe. Sit in a chair, close your eyes and listen to music. Even God rested on the 7th day. Make some 7th day time!
Having white space in our living helps. What more can you add to the list? How do you know it's time to slow down?
I set a 3 step personal goal to renew me, back in January. I've remained focused on them (most days anyway) and I'm finding that there is a refreshing boost that comes with these three simple life goals. The most wonderful thing is that they are something we can do a little everyday and they have a cumulative positive effect on everything! Even if we only succeed part of the time - it adds up!
1. Celebrate now - everything we do, each moment we live is too precious to be treated as a passing fancy, or with disrespect and worry. I will better live in the now.
2. Laugh harder - there are too many minutes between belly laughs so intense that they make me cry. I will laugh today.
3. Pray deeper - being gut level honest with God always helps me cut to the chase of prayer. I'll be quicker to ask, "What's your will, God?" I will pray deeply today.
I'm going to explain - once and for all - the TRUTH about the Easter story. Ready? I watched my 4 year old granddaughter dyeing Easter eggs this week and I was overwhelmed by the TRUTH of the Easter story.
Eggs are very fragile and must be handled with care - remember that.
The Easter story is played out in the liturgical year between Maundy-Thursday and Easter Sunday. On the surface it is the tragic story of how a God-Man was betrayed by those he loved and the religion he upheld and then put to death. It is also a story with a surprising ending. Within three days of his death, his friends and disciples (the ones that were still alive) began to talk about how he wasn't dead anymore. Thus began the story of the resurrection. Soon thereafter talk began about how his resurrection was more significant than just the restart of his life; it has a Divine statement about what God had done with God's relationship with humanity. These two affirmations - the resurrection of Jesus and the change it made on the human-God relationship is where Easter gets, well, weird and downright unbelievable.
Before you send over a lynch mob or psychiatric squad, let me explain. I read a wonderful post by Amy Julia Becker over at "her.meneutics" about the difficulty of explaining Easter to children. As I read it, I thought, "Children? I can't explain it to myself!" I like what Becker says, "One of the reasons I have trouble explaining Easter to my children is that I have trouble explaining it to myself. Even the New Testament writers couldn’t find adequate words or images to explain what happened that weekend in Jerusalem. While the facts remain easy — Jesus died on the cross, and God raised him from the dead — understanding the significance of those facts remains a challenge."
The real truth of this religious event is that we can't explain it at all. We can proclaim truths we believe - but Easter is a mystery and mysteries can't be explained very well. Mysteries are the shadows and wisps of our faith. They are iconic and archetypal. Mystery comes into our lives when our reality falls short and we are struggling to communicate and understand things beyond our common reference. Filled with grand images, haunting tragedy and unbelievable beauty, mysteries inspire and taunt us. In the art of storytelling, these are the stories that weave contradictions and have unexpected turns. In the wonder of religion, these are the moments when we stand on the edge of what we can understand and gaze out into the abyss and try and glimpse God. Easter is the realm of mystery.
I was mowing the lawn this weekend. Pushing an old mower up the backyard hill, lost in the noise and smell of the gasoline engine grinding grass and kicking dust. As I slowed my walk to turn the mower, a dragonfly flew in front of my face and hovered. I'm not sure how I knew to do this, but I let the stop on the mower go and as the engine jerked to silence, I lifted my hand toward the insect. It landed on the top of my hand and rested. I could then see it had caught a small worm. I watched as the dragonfly ate the worm, taking in the life and nourishment it provided. I was amazed at the smoothness of that moment, the way I was allowed to witness a microcosm of life, death, life - resting on my hand. He finished his meal and flew off. I resumed mowing and feeling, strangely enough, graced by what I had witnessed. How many people can say they have had a dragonfly use their hand for a dinner table? How strange that into the loud and coarse environment of mowing the lawn, a delicate life had come to be seen?
Mystery is fragile - like the Easter egg and the dragonfly- and we do well to hold it gently and take what it offers.
At its best, our religion calls us to stretch our minds and spirits, to look and see and grow belief based on solid thinking and delicate mystery. Easter seems to challenge our norms and reality a bit more than other days. Perhaps one of the reasons church is so well attended on Easter is that many of us know this on some level. Perhaps in our return to the cross and tomb we are hoping for a gentle surprise, a delicate encounter with the truth about life, death and life.
I thought it had gone away, but because of a recent news-wire article picked up by the local paper here I guess the trend is still growing and considered ‘news.’ Tweens and teens are posting videos of themselves and asking the question, “Am I Pretty?” The conversation center piece is a video by “Kendal” asking the simple question regarding her looks. The video went viral and has over 4.4 million views and has spawned a cornucopia (now that’s a fun word) of internet and news media activity, becoming what I will dub a Digital Mirror Mirror phenomenon (remember the magical mirror from Snow White? “Mirror, mirror on the wall – who’s the fairest of them all?”).
Digital Mirror, Mirror
While issues of teenage self-esteem, acceptance and perception are not news, what is worthy of note here is the attention, comments and banter that has arisen around this young lady’s video. The Digital Mirror, Mirror effect speaks to our understanding of community and the wide spread technologies that are available for conducting the business of that community – including the raising of children.
Asking the question, “Am I Pretty” isn’t new, especially among tweens and teens. It seems to be a normal part of the developmental process to gather information from your surroundings (family, friends, society, media, ect) and compare yourself to measure of beauty that you find there. So no matter if it is during a birthday ‘spin the bottle’ challenge or through an internet video, having a child seek out other’s opinions seems fairly normal. While I am not a psychologist, it seems that such questions are normal and are often defining moments in the development of someone’s self-esteem. The web, particularly Social Media has brought a more significant volume to this conversation. We are now not only able to ask this question to those near and dear to us, but are able to broadcast this to the masses of a much larger community.
The dynamics of the community are governed by the virtual world, and as such may expose the person gazing into the Digital Mirror, Mirror to something with a larger variant than the localized social community. It would seem that people are somewhat less likely to communicate with the level of respect and care through a digital medium than through a more direct and personal means. Looking at the comment stream on Kendal’s 4.4 million views Digital Mirror, Mirror reveals some very harsh and flippant comments. Ouch.
Technology isn’t going away and I expect it will continue to see exponential growth among tweens and teens, so I don’t think the answer lies in eliminating the technology – although some regulation of access to the technology is certainly in order for younger children. What can we do to help?
Provide Localized Community: It is said that it takes a village to raise a child. That nature of that village has changed over time and now includes the digital community. We do well to make sure that the localized ‘village’ that affect our children includes some positive and spiritually challenging influences. I have never thought of church youth groups as very good at indoctrinating teens into a particular religious system (thankfully!). Pre-teen youths can be taught what to believe and think, but part of the demands of teenage development is to challenge those beliefs and ideas so that individual belief systems can be formed (it gives them a sort of early alert system against indoctrination - Danger Will Robinson!). The role of youth groups and youth trips and youth projects – inside and outside of the religious community – is to make sure that teenagers are exposed to thinking, causes and actions that are driven by something outside of and larger than themselves. We begin to find our unique place within our community by experiencing the community in a larger context. We need to be a part of a community that asks questions about value, purpose and meaning – outside of our immediate personal concerns (like pectoral muscle size, hair color, height, weight, etc.)
Demonstrate Deep Values: Children and youth learn a great deal (more than any parent dares believe) by watching and listening to the adults in their midst. It is about what we do much more than what we say. If we demonstrate loving and caring relationships, hands on volunteering, time helping others and devotion to meaningful causes, it does impact the values by which our children begin to judge and value themselves. If we treat people who are heavier, another race or dressed differently as less than - well, you know the drill.
Teach Another Question: This post began by repeating the questions asked by Kendal, “Am I Pretty or Ugly?” As important as that question is to a developing self, those of us who have endured and survived the superficial framing of life – know that there is another set of questions that need to be asked: “How am I different?” “How can I make a difference?” “What is important to me?” “Am I Creating Beauty for Others?” If we look for opportunities to ask and promote such questions, then perhaps we can influence those around us to consider them, as well.
The community we provide for our children, the things that we do each day for them to see, and the framing of our life questions are all ways we can transform the Digital Mirror Mirror, and perhaps cause it to ask a more life giving question - “Mirror, mirror on the wall…?”
This post might get a bit heavy - not heavy in the "I can't lift it" sort of way, but heavy in the "that's serious" sort of way. Now that you have been warned, let's dive in.
Years ago Elizabeth Kübler-Ross made the phrase 'death and dying' popular (I've always thought it should be dying and death - I mean don't they come in that order more often than not?). The fame of her work and the mission of the resulting organization - now widely known as Hospice - has brought many of the issues around death and grief to the forefront. In her trend setting "Stages of Grief" model, Kübler-Ross has helped us understand that all people must travel through grief (to a great or lesser degree) when faced with a significant loss. Our grief journey isn't usually direct, neat or painless - but it is necessary. I've included a brief recap of the 5 Stages of Grief at the end of this post - since I know you are dying to really eager to learn more.
Here's the deal. People with a theistic worldview often turn to god-talk to try and deal with grief - quickly. The guiltiest of this are those of us who are looking from the outside-in at someone else's grief. Our thoughts and comments seem loving and well intended (yes. We all the road to hell is paved with good intentions). Ever hear or say one of these:
"We can take comfort that they are in a better place now."
"It is part of God's larger plan."
"I know he/she will be celebrating in heaven tonight."
"At least they aren't suffering anymore."
"He/she's with Jesus now."
Sound familiar? What could possibly be wrong with saying stuff like this? Two BIG problems.
First these are statements that are being claimed from the outside of grief and most likely are disconnected from the current experience of the grieving person. It isn't typically helpful to others - and most likely is an expression of our own difficulty dealing with the complex and uncomfortable emotions and concepts surrounding loss, death and our effort to understand the world. It is, in a way, like telling the child who just dropped their only cookie into the mud that "That's the way the cookie crumbles." We might as well say, "Get over it, kid." We need to be allowed to move through each step of grief - not challenged to jump to the end.
Secondly, when we toss around well meaning references to our perceived larger truths, we may be assuming the person even has a similar faith tradition. In a recent article in USA Today | News, an atheist's perspective on well meaning people of faith bring this to reality.
"We are facing an absolute loss, so when someone projects onto that the idea that we are going to be able to hold our children again or communicate with them, it is essentially dismissing the magnitude of that loss." - Rebecca Hensler
Common respect for another's belief should give us pause before laying down well meaning platitudes. My point (and I thank you for hanging on to my ramblings long enough for me to make it) is that we should approach discussions about dying and death "with fear and trembling" and thus, a high measure of respect. I would suggest we allow ourselves to be in the real and necessary discomfort grief - with the grieving. Perhaps we can learn another phrase or two:
"I know grief is hard."
"Death is tough to deal with - more than we usually imagine."
"My heart hurts with your loss."
"I can't know what you are feeling, and I want to help in any way I can."
I remember when a good friend and mentor of mine died. I was speaking to his widow a few days after his death and said, "I know this is a hard time and that there really isn't anything I can say or do to make it better, but is there anything little thing you need?" She looked at me a said, "Yes. Bananas." I must have looked surprised, because she started to smile and then we both laughed. Truly, she needed bananas to make a recipe for her son's school the next day. Sometimes, the best thing we can do to help people through their grief and for ourselves - is to just walk through the days with them. Bananas. Go figure.
1.Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death.
2.Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
3.Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time..."
4.Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
5.Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event.
